Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

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Kuma
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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by Kuma » Fri Feb 17, 2017 4:26 am

Public Service Announcement

With the banishment of known necromancers/warlocks/war criminals/child molesters/bankers from the surface, the Cordor Guard wishes it known that looting their hastily-vacated homes before we get to them is forbidden.

- Stellen Varg, Cordor Guard Commander

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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by The Melancholy Harmony » Fri Feb 17, 2017 6:11 am

"Bankers"

#Dying
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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by susitsu » Fri Feb 17, 2017 7:48 am

Posting here purely so I can keep up with Kuma's antics and don't miss any. plz more. keep it coming.

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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by RedGiant » Fri Feb 17, 2017 8:00 am

You don't expect biting, oh-so-true political satire to occur against a fictional government in the confines of an escapist video game...
...but then, BAM, there it is!
The GrumpyCat wrote:I CLICK THE HOSTIBLE BUTTON NOW U ARE DED!
Irongron wrote:The slaughter, i am afraid, will not abate.

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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by Astral » Fri Feb 17, 2017 8:01 am

This sounds like the start of a bad joke.
I'm dead serious. My first and only reaction when I used the summon spell was "Whaaaaaaat?! Lets attack a settlement with 9 mummies! Lets do it!"
Currently playing: Seth Xylo

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Kuma
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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by Kuma » Sat Feb 18, 2017 3:52 am

Patch 17/02/2017

- Adjusted Imps to remain for even longer. Wait, hang on
Last edited by Kuma on Sat Feb 18, 2017 6:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by Jack Oat » Sat Feb 18, 2017 4:11 am

Kuma wrote:Public Service Announcement

With the banishment of known necromancers/warlocks/war criminals/child molesters/bankers from the surface, the Cordor Guard wishes it known that looting their hastily-vacated homes before we get to them is forbidden.

- Stellen Varg, Cordor Guard Commander
Truth.

"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

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quite bluntly we can't balance the server around people who don't play well

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My main takeaway from this is that Jack is apparently personable


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Kuma
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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by Kuma » Sat Feb 18, 2017 6:46 am

Patch 18/02/2017

- Gift of Hardiness no longer made redundant by a low-level Alchemist
- Pale Masters no longer have to hide a conjuration spellbook inside their copy of Covenant Monthly. (sarog sarog sarog)
- Animal Domain less viable a shortcut for cleric/wizard hierophant builds to avoid spell focuses. Someone played one, surely?
- Elemental Swarm now kind of actually ridiculous
- 15 years on from release, Burning Hands may actually be used once
- PMs actually get that thing they're good at back. Sorc/BGs collectively rejoice.
- Summoned Imps & Quasits no longer spend entire rounds just standing there spitting 5 fire damage at things, when they have ACTUAL HELLFIRE at their fingertips. Non-summoned Imps don't. C O N S P I R A C Y? S T A Y W O K E
- Smol elementals, wyrmlings, and tier 1 outsiders no longer better at eating damage than an animated suit of armour.
- Gravestone Elemental removed

House Freth: Reference Information
House Claddath: Reference Information
"What's a heretic?": a guide to religious schism terminology

Irongron wrote:

4. No full screen images of the NWN gnome model (might frighten the children)


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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by Bones Mist and Moons » Sat Feb 18, 2017 11:11 am

#kumareports

Lmao
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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by RedGiant » Mon Feb 20, 2017 12:12 am

viewtopic.php?f=23&t=25&start=100

Kuma will have to do the real meaning of this, but here's my take.

Patch 19 Feb 17: If you're perchance an Imp Wild Mage...we want you to quit.
The GrumpyCat wrote:I CLICK THE HOSTIBLE BUTTON NOW U ARE DED!
Irongron wrote:The slaughter, i am afraid, will not abate.

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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by Kuma » Tue Feb 21, 2017 3:51 am

Patch 19/02/17

Imp Changes
- In a rare turn of events, the dev team have decided to join in with the Andunor anti-imp bounty, with a devastating secret weapon guaranteed to obliterate most of the flying rats
- Continuing the Burning Hands trend, the playerbase is reminded that the feat Planar Turning actually exists
- Spells that affect summoned creatures also affect player fiends, on an island with multiple literal gateways to Hell that they could just walk through

Wild Mages
- Chaos Control no longer limited to the Sonic Adventure franchise
- *Surge: Cast Again* nerfed in response to this video uploaded to PornHub.
- Wild Mages now have to beat DCs to replenish spells, adding yet another string of numbers to keep track of, officially making them the closest one can ever get to accurately roleplaying a Wizard
Last edited by Kuma on Wed Mar 08, 2017 3:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

House Freth: Reference Information
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"What's a heretic?": a guide to religious schism terminology

Irongron wrote:

4. No full screen images of the NWN gnome model (might frighten the children)


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Kuma
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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by Kuma » Tue Feb 21, 2017 3:55 am

Patch 20/2/17

- Can no longer self-administer hot cocoa and therapy blankets
- Summoned Balors made harder to hit
- Hitting Summoned Balors still not something you want to do
- actually a super clever way of handling gradually strengthening dr, nice one pep

House Freth: Reference Information
House Claddath: Reference Information
"What's a heretic?": a guide to religious schism terminology

Irongron wrote:

4. No full screen images of the NWN gnome model (might frighten the children)


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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by RedGiant » Tue Feb 21, 2017 4:20 am

Kuma wrote:- Wild Mages now have to beat DCs to replenish spells, adding yet another string of numbers to keep track of, officially making them the closest one can ever get to accurately roleplaying a Wizard
Or is it they really suck at math?

"My friend is cursed. I have a spell that might be of use here. Hrm...according to my calculashuns...it will either remove the curse...or possibly immolate him in a VOLCANO. Hrm...math....hrm. Aw screw it!

*casts*
The GrumpyCat wrote:I CLICK THE HOSTIBLE BUTTON NOW U ARE DED!
Irongron wrote:The slaughter, i am afraid, will not abate.

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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by susitsu » Tue Feb 21, 2017 4:26 am

Kuma wrote:Patch 19/02/17
- *Surge: Cast Again* nerfed in response to this video uploaded to PornHub.
I actually needed a minute to breathe.

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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by Kuma » Wed Feb 22, 2017 9:57 am

Patch 22/02/2017

Summon Changes
- You see those?
- Yeah those.
- All those nice things?
- All those cool summons?
- All that delicious sustain.
- Mmmm. Drink it in.
- Yeah even that water elemental.
- Drink it in.
- It's PEPSI CRYSTAL.

Image

- Aww yeah. Welcome to 1992. You've got your Water Elemental in the back seat of your convertible, and you just cruised down a Miami highway. This is the life.
- Drink her in.
- Go on. Isn't she tasty? Mmmm.
- That's right.
- You know what your Water Elemental tastes like.
- PEPSI CRYSTAL.
- You remember, don't you? The summer of '92?
- Wait. Something isn't right.
- The car stalls. Your head jerks forward.
- Black.
- Is that your blood on the dashboard?
- The car's rolled over, and you've slammed into a palm tree.
- You turn around and nearly throw up, squinting through the red streaming past your eyes.
- Oh God, no, the PEPSI CRYSTAL ! ! !
- She's everywhere. She's fallen apart, Bruce.
- Oh shit. Oh Christ. No, not like this. Please!
- Talk to me, PEPSI CRYSTAL ! ! !
- But it's no use.
- She's not reforming.
- She's not regenerating.
- She's gone, Bruce.
- She's gone like 1992.
- I hope the nostalgia doesn't hurt too much, Bruce.
- You had a good run, with your refreshing PEPSI CRYSTAL.
- But now you have to move on, and accept your fate.
- No more.

Spell Changes
- Clarity nerfed.

House Freth: Reference Information
House Claddath: Reference Information
"What's a heretic?": a guide to religious schism terminology

Irongron wrote:

4. No full screen images of the NWN gnome model (might frighten the children)


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susitsu
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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by susitsu » Wed Feb 22, 2017 6:15 pm

I can die happy now.

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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by gilescorey » Wed Feb 22, 2017 6:25 pm

Proof that vaporwave rots the mind of a young bong.
Now he's down south, wandering the outback, his only companion Macintosh Plus's full discography on cassette

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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by Septire » Wed Feb 22, 2017 10:31 pm

*Deadpan face while playing the dance from Diner's Club*

WTF

I don't know what this is anymore. A ballad to a water elemental? Maybe it's art. Whatever it is, I like it. Keep doing it.

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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by RedGiant » Thu Feb 23, 2017 3:50 am

Translating Kuma for the American audience is always tricky and requires great skill, nuance, and probably pepsi crystal.

I thiiink what he was trying to say is something along the lines of...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hT1OKo1rT84
The GrumpyCat wrote:I CLICK THE HOSTIBLE BUTTON NOW U ARE DED!
Irongron wrote:The slaughter, i am afraid, will not abate.

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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by Kuma » Wed Mar 08, 2017 2:58 am

Patch 02/03/17 (delayed)

Deities
- Vaprak added as a deity for ogres, taking their total vocabulary to double figures
- Asmodeus hides the kobold soul-curse a little better with a cardboard cutout with 'KURTULMAK' drawn on in red pen
- Caw.

- Andunor loses mercenaries, Xi'taath finally ascends to demigod of slaughter
- New rotating merchants continue to make alchemists redundant

House Freth: Reference Information
House Claddath: Reference Information
"What's a heretic?": a guide to religious schism terminology

Irongron wrote:

4. No full screen images of the NWN gnome model (might frighten the children)


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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by Kuma » Wed Mar 08, 2017 3:03 am

Patch 08/03/17

As you know, we devs of Arelith love to respond to influential characters and their efforts if they involve enough players, and have a substantial impact on the server - Greyhammer, Andunor's gate, archmage statues, deity additions and so on.

To that end, we'd like to announce the latest change to the server brought about by a character - congratulations to Roland Asen for this little update!

- Removed appraise farming



Loot & Price Update

- Added "Fence" as a new path to Rogues, only available during mid-epic skilldumps of otherwise non-rogue characters
- If you really look hard enough, you might be able to find something in that kobold's hidden pocket

Reward Rolls

- Treasury theft made ever more lucrative

PC Shops

- Added more vectors for merchant-bought temp essences, lenses, and healing kits. Wait, hang on

Lowerdark Update

- We're probably screwed

New Races

- Now you can satisfy your urge to play a bearded pygmy or an albino!

House Freth: Reference Information
House Claddath: Reference Information
"What's a heretic?": a guide to religious schism terminology

Irongron wrote:

4. No full screen images of the NWN gnome model (might frighten the children)


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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by Artos13 » Thu Mar 09, 2017 4:55 am

Kuma wrote:- If you really look hard enough, you might be able to find something in that kobold's hidden pocket
Imma RP it like I'm just willing to search deeper than is normal.

or, alternate title:

The TSA is born.

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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by The Rambling Midget » Thu Mar 09, 2017 5:00 am

Image
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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by Septire » Thu Mar 09, 2017 5:03 am

As a kobold player, I'm not sure I like where this is going...

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Re: Arelith Updates: What They *Really* Mean

Post by Wolfking6116 » Thu Mar 09, 2017 9:06 am

Same.

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