On the topic of slavery/prisoner stuff, the 'Capture RP' thread is full of good discussion on that!
Regarding everything else, I've seen a couple points in this thread that I really like and also have personal experience with, as someone who's played long-term in both the UD and the Surface.
When it comes to raids, by and large the majority of the time, and I'm talking both sides here, there's usually something that happened first that spurred it on, making it a retaliation. 'So-and-so is killing our low-level writ-workers, we need to show them they can't bully us' and then a raid or invasion happens. Or, 'They took our person, we're going to show them they can't do that', and another raid happens. Tale as old as time, from what I've seen on my brief two-years-and-some-change on this server. There is almost always (in my experience, at least) a REASON raids happen, and this goes for both Surface and UD. My old UD toon used to call it something along the lines of 'Old recycled hate'. This person did that, so we do this, but then they do that, so we have to do this, so on and so forth, for months, until where it all 'started' is pretty much entirely forgotten.
Is it realistic in the setting? Yes, actually. Old Hate is very much a thing, like elves and drow. On the flip side, you see something like elves in the UD all the time, usually in collars, but not always, however you almost never see drow hanging around on the Surface, accepted by 'goodly' characters for whatever reason. (I say this just as an example since it's the easiest one to come to mind.)
It seems to me that while some things are very lore-accurate in terms of FR 3.5, other things... not so much. That really comes from the fact that we aren't elves, drow, hin, minotaurs, gnolls, or faeries in real life, we're all humans playing with other humans and don't have that mindset. Can things be done to enforce that setting? Sure! But how do you balance that with the human's enjoyment behind the screen?
Is being permanently killed in a righteous battle between the forces of good and evil lore-accurate and realistic? Yes!! But, again, you gotta consider the player. They should be able to determine how their character's story ends on their own terms, and you can't really assert what you find to be an appropriate consequence onto another person. It's all opinion-based, in the end. Just because something might be realistic, doesn't always mean it's something that can reasonably be enforced. DMs DO enforce things that are just hard 'no's, but unless they are actively and repeatedly breaking the rules, they're not going to make you perma-roll your character. They're not tyrants.
When it comes to 'fearing the night', that's personally one of my favourite styles of roleplay, and something that I enjoyed when I played on the Ravenloft server. PLEASE give my character something to be afraid and wary of, I LIVE for that kind of horror-genre stuff! The Underdark SHOULD be feared, and I want more of that in Arelith and I am enjoying that aspect of it that's stirring right now. This doesn't HAVE to be in the form of raids, I personally find that someone running into a group of 'monsters' or highway men, shaking out your pocket money, and sending you back with a message to be really engaging and it can create a whole storyline. Imagine being brand new to Arelith, going on a courier writ, getting shaken down by some bad guy on the road... and you run back with a note for whatever settlement is closeby to share your story and find help. 9 times out of 10, if you get stolen from, someone is gonna replenish what you lost and you get to make friends in the process. It works in the opposite direction, as well, with Underdarkers being afraid of the sun or people who wander in the daylight. Perhaps some surfacers are parked up at the known entrances to the UD to intimidate those that come up, to go back down! No PvP required!
On the topic of corpse fixtures, I agree that we could have more fixtures, with the rule attached to them they CANNOT be a player-character without their express consent. I remember at one point seeing a bunch of skull-poles around, I think on the Cordor Docks, and it was just 'Sailor Skulls'. A bunch of non-descript NPCs, who had been beheaded and put onto a pole as a 'Haha to you, surfacers!' and it disturbed a lot of characters and created talk and roleplay around it. Stuff like that is menacing, it's creepy and disconcerting, creates that fear, again, without PvP being needed.
This next thought of mine may be a bit of a hot take, but I've noticed a slight pattern that when one side begins to 'win', topics like this start to crop up with more frequency. However, we shouldn't forget it really does ebb and flow as stated above in this thread. Sometimes ya win, sometimes ya lose, and it's all part of the story. This doesn't apply to everyone, not even the majority, but it is something to keep in mind.
This is much more long-winded than I intended, so...
TL:DR; Create more fear without PvP, allow your characters to be afraid, and don't go into PvP with the mindset of creating permanent consequences for another person's character. We're all here to make stories!
