I try to be invincible for people-- Usually bad things start on my day off when I need for my nephew. Usually, something I warn people not to do. I love the team of Arelith, I love the player base.. but I just am to the point where I've wanted to throw up for two weeks now over this Narissorin thing and so-on. I care, a lot about people's RP. I care too much.
I literally just can't do it anymore. I'm unable to stay IC at this point and I logged off before I did anything OOC. And it's not going to get better. There's too much OOC stuff countless individuals put on my shoulders about he-said/she-said/who's alt is who's and who belonged to what faction in the ye-old, and 'if so and so joins our faction, I'm quitting' -- even though I entirely avoid active faction discords for precisely this reason. No-tells isn't a solution either. I don't know what is.
I am saying my goodbyes, and I transferred things IC, gave them notes as to my character's intents, and I am going to take a mental-health break for a sustained period.
In the last week, I've had people threaten to leave the faction if someone else joined because of OOC experiences with them years earlier on other characters. I've had everyone and their mother trying to dig into everyone's alt histories. Tons of people telling me OOC about events while absolutely refusing to tell me IC when our characters are supposed to be allies and then getting mad when my character acts on information she has because everyone is demanding she do so.
I'm a roleplayer. I'm not here to win. I'm here act, and write with all of you. I love you Arelith. Possibly too much. I don't blame anyone in particular. The weight and the number of discord messages I get on a daily basis about recent events and OOC gossip I didn't ask to see.. that even otherwise upstanding members of the community can't help but copy-pasta at me.. is crushing.
Even being retired, and needing only one day off each week (Sunday, the day crazy stuff always seems to happen..)
I love talking about RP. But you can't ever, ever let that OOC substitute the RP and then get mad at people over them not meta-gaming - and I'm going back to collaborative text and private-message-based RP. I love you all; anyone who wants to reach me can always hit me on Discord -- I'm still on the Arelith Discord if you need me. Peace, lovely people.
I love you all, and I was trying to be a good example. I'm sorry I couldn't be strong enough to keep going. I legitimately care about all of your stories and spent almost all my time trying to understand them.
P.S. I didn't get in any OOC trouble or anything. I didn't roll. I just can't keep giving people what they need from me so frequently; and it's become virtually impossible over the last two weeks to run a faction without OOC coordination that I'm not willing to participate in. Nobody should individually blame yourself or anyone else - I insist - I wouldn't have done it so long with so many if I didn't enjoy our time immensely. It's just everything, everywhere, all at once, all of the time ... and my own unwillingness to keep putting as much time in; completely unable to keep IRL schedules or limit my hours. Arelith rocks.