No One Sees Your Tears in the Dark

[IndigoLord]

‘No one sees your tears in the dark’

*A prelude for an Arelith Character Concept*

I am writing this down because I fear that I will never ever be able to forget it and since because I will never face it ever again, I can only confront it by remembering. Many amongst my kind think Elves feel pain the most because we have such long lives and memories. It is because of our capacity to love and appreciate life that we feel such intense passions. We are anger, love, hopelessness and compassion all in one. We can be like the changing seasons all at once, cold and flighty like the winters breath or hot and crackling like the dust off a boot heel. It is because of this we feel such pain and love and all things that we are capable of immense wonder, and immense horror. Trust me humans when Elves give derision in what they see you capable of it is only because you we see a reflection. You reflect us and for many of my kind, we hate what we see.

When I was thirty, living in Eaerlann was like living in a dreamland. No other place on Toril will ever be like it. We made our homes by hollowing out trees that spoke to us, we forged a bond not only with a partner but with the land itself. Our home was truly a part of us. We connected our homes to each other by building rope bridges and all through the forest you could travel like this without ever touching the soft forest floor. How I miss the feel of rough wood and the smell of wet grass lit barely by the rising morning dew. I only had a short time compared to my brethren in that beautiful place but it was enough that even now I can remember it. I remember how I used to run from tree to tree, feeling each one as I went, speaking to it without saying a word. It was the happiest place I’ve ever been. We used to run across the forest floor, bare feet, chasing squirrels enough to get them to reveal where they hid their treasure troves of hidden delight. In the fading light of the sun we drew and created great masterpieces of art. At night Sehanine lit up the sky in beautiful pale light the likes of which you could only dream in that forest. Her rays extended loving hands down into the forest, our runes lighting up upon her touch, emanating soft pale glows from our night lanterns. At night the forest was only even more radiant, the clouds passed overhead were not a dampener to its beauty. It was and will remain to be the only place on this earth where I will ever feel at home. I could write an entire library dedicated to the wonder of that place. It pains me to say I could also write far more on the pain i get knowing i will never see that great valley ever again. I’ll never hear the rushing of the Delimbyr river, or catch glimpses of the flighty deer, which so much resembled ourselves. We lived a life many could only dream of. We didn’t have a care it was a haven of a perfect life.

I remember being woken by a scream one night. I sat bolt upright in my bed on the floor in our family tree. My sister also sat up in her bed, she looked at me fearfully. I remember smiling and reaching out to her, a comforting touch. She looked less scared when I did that, the moonlight crossed her face and in that moment there I think I will always remember how beautiful she was. She was a prize even amongst the magnificence of our people at just twelve. She was truly blessed by the Seldarine.

I stood and walked to the entrance of our home. Fires spread out across the forest floor, bright burning lights. The screams got louder and I saw our people running, being chased by spiders, only they weren’t spiders, they were something else. We had no warning of an impending attack, being focused so much on the orcish assaults of late. This foe was something I had never seen before but would see plenty of it in the future. The spiderlings cut down our people, their mandible jaws rending flesh and bone. I will always remember the screaming. The spiderlings were not alone however, demons walked with them. Horned and black as darkness they roamed through our city. Our soldiers began to attack but it was already too late, the death we rained down upon them was not enough for their numbers.

I remember grabbing my sister and running across the rope bridges. She was crying and I too wanted to cry. For our beautiful home and all we loved was going up in flame and those we knew and had known our entire lives were cut down right before us. I didn’t though, for if I did I knew my sister would never make it out alive. I had to be strong, for her. The spiderlings climbed up the trees and into our homes, whole families died within their beds. I remember picking up a bow and a quiver from one of our fallen soldiers as we ran, never letting go of my sisters hand. Tree branches fell and fiery arrows strained the sky. The night was lit by fire now and as I ran I prayed to the Seldarine that we make it out alive. I killed one spiderling as I ran only for two more to take its place. Arrow after arrow i fired, and we ran. As we crossed one rope bridge after another i held on to a hope that we would be rescued, that we would be saved. All around us though was death, dead soldiers, dead families, dead trees.

As we crossed a rope bridge, trying to outrun the onslaught of the invaders, the bridge collapsed. My sister screamed and I cried out for her and drew her to me as we fell onto the forest floor. I tried to get up but my leg was broken in the fall. My sister who fell on top of me seemed okay but her face was marred by the tears that ran down her cheeks.

‘It’s going to be alright’ I tried to say to her. Knowing it was a lie. Nothing would ever be alright. I slew two more spiderlings and one demon came towards me. Two,three,four arrows i put into its chest but it wouldn’t die. I couldn’t run I could only fight. I screamed at my sister to run but she didn’t, instead she put herself between me and the demon. As it moved towards us she ran at it and from somewhere she produced a knife and attempted to stab it in the neck, her slender frame bounding high up to get at it. She sank her knife deep into its flesh but it didn’t even flinch. Instead it grabbed her. I cried out to her and tried to help her by putting an arrow into its arm and then its leg but to no avail.

A sound I heard from behind the demon. A demonic woman stepped out from the darkness, a fey’ri. She said something in their tongue and the demon stopped and instead slung my sister over its shoulder. She screamed and tried to fight against it but it was too strong and my sister too small and I was too weak.

I tried to move towards them and fired my last arrow out of the quiver at the demon but its impact had no effect. The fey’ri then looked at me and then pointed and three more demons came out of the shadows at me. I remember one hitting me in the head and then blackness took me.
When I awoke, astounded that I did not die I was lying in darkness. I felt hard rock beneath me and pain from my leg and my head. When I tried to move I realised I was shackled to a wall behind me. This was the beginning of what would be the most enduring pain I have ever lived through. This would be the beginning of something that would shape me and haunt me forever more. I would never see my sister again, her beautiful face reflecting Sehanine herself in the night sky. I would never see Eaerlann again nor my family or my friends. For all I know they are dead.

I remember the pain, the sadness and the enduring hollowness of that night. I laid down in the dark, broken and alone, and I wept. I had lost everything in one night, everything.

We elves feel pain so intense sometimes we feel like we ourselves are being torn apart. That night i felt like a thousand different fragments. I wept uncontrollably and then quietly only to then cry out in the darkness and in prayer. I prayed to the Seldarine for help. I asked why Corellan didn’t help us, why didn’t he help my sister. All in vain. The Seldarine weren’t coming for me, they weren’t coming for my sister. I was there alone and in that darkness I was broken.

In elven society tears of sadness are shed in private and in public. I was a blubbering mess that night, I cried like a newborn babe wanting its mother and indeed I may have called out to her that night as young as I was. I was thankful for one thing that night and one thing only, for in the darkness my resolve had quickly turned to mush.

I thanked the gods that no one sees your tears in the dark.