Arelith

Posted: **Mon Jun 08, 2020 2:36 pm**

Beginnings

It was her again. Her face, her touch, her words and her hatred.
The hatred that used to rush in my veins.
I go through those memories again and again, I try to organize and see reason behind them: But nothing comes to me, it seems like a puzzle made out of pieces that will never fit together. Her hatred because of his will, it all seems so bizarre. One day I can call out their names again.

Maybe one day, I have overcome the fear of his name. Some day, I've become everything she didn't want me to be, and I'll be able to stand there without fear. Without hatred.
M̴̞̫̀̓̿ö̵̢̦̼́̚͝t̵̡̫̟̀̕h̴͖͖̻̓͒̕e̸̻͔̓͐̔͜r̵̫̪͠͝

The dawn is rising. New land opening before me. Arelith.
I hope this one gives me what I need to be myself.

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 3:26 am**

Friend

He seemed a bit weird, but I wouldn't mind. The beginning of this island seems harsh and full of surprises.

M̴̞̫̀̓̿ö̵̢̦̼́̚͝t̵̡̫̟̀̕h̴͖͖̻̓͒̕e̸̻͔̓͐̔͜r̵̫̪͠͝, what would you say if I told I had a friend?

Praise the dawn.

Posted: **Wed Jun 10, 2020 6:53 pm**

Acronym

Back home, I was never told stories of the better tomorrow.
never a word of the Arising dawn, the light that would make it all go away.
New beginnings where concept she would never speak of, there wasn't such a thing.
it all was determined to forever be in fear of his hatred mirrored through her words and the eyes, the Ever judging gaze she had..

M̴̞̫̀̓̿ö̵̢̦̼́̚͝t̵̡̫̟̀̕h̴͖͖̻̓͒̕e̸̻͔̓͐̔͜r̵̫̪͠͝,, one day I will have courage to say his name. One day, I will have courage to say your name. Traitor.

Praise the Dawn.

Posted: **Sat Jun 13, 2020 6:32 pm**

Faith

Everyone tells me they have faith in me.
Everyone tells me I will be a good one. That I can become whatever I want.
But even if everyone else seems to have faith in me, I have hard time having faith in.. Myself.
I have hard time forgiving what I've done, I feel the guilt eating me from inside.
[The words become more of a jumbled mess of ink puddles and scribbles]
M̸͔̘͒͌͋ ț̴͖̝̀͛͠h̵͎͙͑͊̾ f̸̢͎͓̔͒̚ i̴͚̞͕͌͌͌ a̵͇̟͚̒̽͝s̸̙̪̘͊̒ c̴͇̘̠̒̈́̓ p̴̪̠̿͋́a̸̢͇͔͛̽̀ e̴͚͚͋̈́̒͜ ẗ̸̠͙͚́̿̕ k̵͙̦̾̕ l̵̦̺̺͐̒̀l̴̪͖̟͌͐͘

Posted: **Tue Jun 16, 2020 3:47 pm**

Acronym II

I am Sabre, from Evereska. I was born and raised in a community of which I denounced myself from years later, in my early one hundreds.
I've made mistakes of which I am trying to redeem myself from still.
I spent fifty years in a Temple of Lathander, in Beregost. I am forgiven.
But, will M̴̞̫̀̓̿ö̵̢̦̼́̚͝t̵̡̫̟̀̕h̴͖͖̻̓͒̕e̸̻͔̓͐̔͜r̵̫̪͠͝, forgive me for leaving?
Am I doing good? If not for myself, for someone else?
Never know what tomorrow brings me, but I worry.. I worry for it.
Evereska.. I miss home, I miss the forests where I ran around as a child.

M̴̞̫̀̓̿ö̵̢̦̼́̚͝t̵̡̫̟̀̕h̴͖͖̻̓͒̕e̸̻͔̓͐̔͜r̵̫̪͠͝,.. I feel so alone.

Posted: **Sun Jun 21, 2020 1:18 am**

Love

I must admit. I think I'm falling for him a little.
I feel warmth and closure with the laughter and joy I've gotten from the time spent together.
It gives me confidence when I have succesfully managed to finish an adventure and get another person out alive, and it gives me so much warmth to know my effort has been appreciated.
I must admit. I feel like I'm slowly falling in love.

M̴̞̫̀̓̿ö̵̢̦̼́̚͝t̵̡̫̟̀̕h̴͖͖̻̓͒̕e̸̻͔̓͐̔͜r̵̫̪͠͝, what would you say to that?
Especially... When he's a human? I've always been told elves shouldn't cross with humans.
I do not think it matters.

Praise the New Dawn.

Posted: **Sat Jun 27, 2020 3:44 pm**

Druid

It was a conflict. I can't imagine how one person could hurt another in such way.
Yet.. I couldn't but to step inbetween those people. It would've been against what I've sworn in the Temple.
It's painful to have to choose from only bad options.. I only want safety for those close to me, no matter what someone else might think.
The trouble of finding the midline between my duty and what people see as a correct way to act.. The thin line between what is right and what is wrong.

Why did that druid have to come across someone I care for. For the first time, I had to seriously doubt if I made the right choices since finding my knighthood.

Praise the Dawn.

Posted: **Sat Jul 25, 2020 2:03 am**

Kiss

I've never doubted myself as much. I felt powerless, weak, useless. I'll never be a knight in my life. I'll never be a proper knight.. Everyone will always be disappointed in me..
Yet..
When the red dragon appeared in the place of the friendly archmage, I didn't feel anything but need to protect him... In my heart, I felt like it wasn't going to be hostile.. But he was scared. So I brought up my weapon and a shield..
Knowing I would be nothing against a red dragon.

I've never felt the fear and need.. Will to protect someone like that. I knew I would be staying with him after that.. I cared for him, yet.. I wasn't sure if he felt anywhere near the same.

.. Well.. I didn't know it untill we walked to him, and I felt his arms wrap around me, and cheekily stole my first kiss, then and there..

... I love him. What can I say?
.. Mother... I don't care if you're disappointed anymore. I have someone who will tell me I'm not disappointment!

Praise the dawn!

Posted: **Sun Oct 11, 2020 3:42 am**

(This writing dates later in timeline, in current year, 166AR, ~10 years ahead of the former marks, but I felt it's important to write this while it's still in my mind, fresh.)

Second Beginning
Sometimes in my life, I've felt doubt. I've felt like my life stalled for long time, but finally.. Finally I feel like there's direction.
It's a second, new beginning, of a new age. The pendant feels heavy on my hand. It's carved of rose quartz, with beautiful topaz mixed in. Perfectly shaped, like a sunrise.
What it stands for? For better tomorrow. For New Dawn.

Mother.. It stands for the end of your legacy on me. It marks the moment when I finally got my confidence together, and started something. I, and the High Priest, we're bringing piece of my past here. Not the past you know, no. The good part of it. When my life actually begun.
When I finally saw the light.. When I admitted to my wrongdoing, and asked for a new beginning.

Mother... I know you won't tell me you're proud of me. But I am. I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of my family, my friends, and the beginning of the church of the Dawn.
Tomorrow truly has greater plans for me, more than you ever would have thought.

I love the life I've made for myself. It's beautiful. Every day, truly, is a gift for me now.

Praise the Dawn.

Posted: **Tue Oct 13, 2020 12:57 pm**

Lifeless
(166AR)

It wasn't planned very well. Honestly, did we really have time to plan it well?
Seeing the darkness rise above the horizon, we just must act. If it's doings of those that wield the shadow, we must act and not question. For it is our sacred duty to spread the light over the darkness.

But for the sake of all that's good.. It went horribly. We arrive ahead of S̵̢͚̠͐̒h̵̢̡̪͊͐̒a̴͉͖͙̐̀͠r̸̫̙̦̀̒̽r̵̡̻̟͛͆͝a̵͎̝̒̈́̕͜n̴͎͚̦̒͋́.. And they suprised us instead.
I don't remember much. It was over soon, I was amongst the first to fall... And I had just time to think in the fugue. Slowly, seeing everyone else cross after me. Fearing the worst, I couldn't tell what was going back on the surface.

I feared. Then it came to a halt. People weren't appearing for some time.. I almost had sigh of relief - untill. The last one.
The last one - it hurt. When you meet your loved one within the fugue, you know it hurts. But I was not prepared for opening my eyes again - waking up to see the lights. See the people, clad in black most of them.. And the being? A lich? Maybe it was a lich. I really don't know.
Seeing the lifeless corpse next to me, on the ground. The pain.. It only got worse. Only got worse when I picked him up. Looking down, seeing usually so lively and happy person so... So lifeless. Dull, dead. I hardly could keep my tears.. But I'd not want to give them that pleasure. Not today.

There's always another dawn.
Praise the Dawn!

Posted: **Thu Jan 07, 2021 3:50 am**

Doubt
(168AR)

I never expected to come doubt my path. But yet - is it too much for me to carry?
And yet, here I stand. Thinking if I am the one to carry a mantle I have.

I wish I had someone to turn to. I wish I had mother, father, someone. Mentor, a person to turn to for advice. Someone to look up to.
Yet, all have left, dead, fallen...

I wish I had family above me. Someone who would give advice on what the hell am I supposed to do.

Praise the Dawn.

Posted: **Sun Jan 17, 2021 4:18 am**

Path
(169AR)

Giving up the Mantle was heavy choice. It's a Mantle I cannot ever pick up, once I've put it down.
But I do only see positive in this path of mine.

After all, it's always a new dawn. Path to self-perfection is endless journey, and we can only try walking it so far.

Praise the Dawn.

Posted: **Thu Jan 21, 2021 2:54 pm**

Pride
(169AR)

Pride is something I have never considered as trait of mine. Or, part of me. Myself.. I never quite managed to feel proud of myself for anything.
I always felt like I had to be something more. I never could be proud, because I felt it'd quickly ruin me. I never was good enough in what I did.

But you know? Today, today I decided to give myself that permission. I am no longer tied to the mantle I was, and I feel like I have permission to be proud.
I'm proud of Sanctuary. I'm proud of my friends, proud of my family. I'm proud of Vernes for what he has managed to do for all of Lathanders. I'm proud that I have been there to try and help him. I don't know if I have, but I'm proud I have tried, and that I still am trying.

Now.. I am proud of myself. I'm still standing, I'm as good mother to my son as I can, I'm trying to get better as a wife. I'm focusing on myself, I feel like it's good path I've taken.

I'm proud. I'm thankful. I feel more confident.

Praise the Dawn.

Posted: **Fri Mar 19, 2021 11:15 pm**

Break
(171AR)

Taking a time off to reflect on myself again, taking care of children at home. It's actually quite nice to have a break, every once in a while.

I've become to realize how quickly things happen on Arelith. They do not happen so quickly in here - Amavra makes sure that things are handled with care, and without hurry. Without worry in the world, really. It's really great place for Austrat and Thomas to grow up - and I'm happy to have [redacted] with me. She's great with Austrat, I get immense joy while I look at them wrestle and go on.

Though, taking care of a newborn, my days mostly are sitting and reading. Sometimes I go out on a walk, but that's about it. Though, it does good for my mind to be at ease here.

... But it makes me wonder.

Do I actually want to go back? Isn't it just easier to be at home, again..
I guess, duty will call me back. Sooner or later.

Praise the Dawn.

Posted: **Wed Apr 07, 2021 10:27 pm**

Gone.
(171AR)

He's gone.
I can't believe this.
I see him laying there, motionless, but it hasn't hit me yet.
Just earlier that tenday, we spoke so happily. So light, so bright and with so much emotion. My brother - I can't believe you are gone.

I miss you. I miss you so dearly.
I wish you were here to help me once more.

Posted: **Tue Apr 27, 2021 6:48 pm**

Wrong
(172AR)

I'm wrong
It's all wrong
Everything is wrong
I don't know how to make it right

It's all wrong
Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong

Posted: **Thu Apr 29, 2021 5:29 pm**

Dear Daughter
(172AR)

I am sorry for how deep you have fallen.
And I know you are pulling me in too.
But I can't resist.

It feels so wrong.
But still - I feel like it's the only way I can go.
Dear Daughter -.. Why are you falling into this pit?

Why are you taking me with you?

Posted: **Thu May 06, 2021 7:42 pm**

Way Out
(172AR)

I need way out.
I need it now-..

Please Help, Mother.

Posted: **Sat May 08, 2021 2:23 pm**

Silence
(172AR)

The pain. It was followed by silence.
My writing must not be that coherent here - I struggle to stay consicious.
The pain is great, and I feel the poison in my veins. It drains the energy, and I fell asleep for the first time in long time.

Sleep. Not reverie -.. It's scary.
But this time, I saw a dream.

A field.
Flowers - Dandelions. It all happened after I held the blade.
A field of everything that made me feel comfortable in my skin, a peaceful memorial.

A butterfly.
Settled on my hand, then flew away.

I lie down, in the grass field.

The silence. A peace dawns on me.
.. And I waver to and back from consiciousness once more. The pain wakes me up, and fades away.

Posted: **Sun May 09, 2021 9:58 pm**

Dream
(172AR)

A field. The butterfly, and a dove that flew above.

A slaughter. Piles of bodies, all human. All female.

The mere contrast of my late dreams keeps me confused.

Posted: **Wed May 12, 2021 10:34 pm**

Tired
(172AR)

I grow tired.
I'm not sure how much I can keep this up. Fighting this sickness is much harder than just fading into the darkness seems to be.
Rejuvenating spells give temporary aid, but..
I'm not sure how long it can last anymore. Constant pain, I cannot rest properly..

I'm so tired. I just want to rest, already.

Posted: **Wed May 26, 2021 9:26 pm**

Favor
(173 AR)

For some strange reason, I was able to channel the divine magic once more.
I have no idea why, I still don't devote to a god. And I... I don't know? It's all very confusing.

If a god is truly favoring on me, they could've atleast given me some sign or idea of who that god is. I really don't know. It's stressing me out to be in this faithless stage.

Posted: **Tue Aug 24, 2021 12:40 am**

Loss
(173 AR / 1373 DR)

Somehow the island repeats a cycle, where everyone you care for is slowly lost to the masses.
Either leaving, or just dying. I realize when I come back from home, atleast one or two more of those I loved are gone again.

I want to list all of their names, but I can't. I'd fear I've already forgotten someone who's left, despite how dear they are to me. Years start melding together, and I feel like the list is.. Just evergrowing.

I miss the time of being happy and having all of them with me still.

Posted: **Tue Aug 24, 2021 12:43 am**

What it takes to make it better?
(173 AR / 1373 DR)

Last I came back from the Treehouse, I realized what has been making me feel so wrong in everything.
I've had so many gripes and grudges, which I need to start setting straight.

And it has to start from home - it's time for few very difficult talks with the members of my family.
I do so hate confronting people, but I can't set anything straight and make anything better if I don't start now.

It's time to forgive myself for these feelings, and just work on it. No matter how much it hurts.

Arelith

Tales from before Dawn: Sabre

Tales from before Dawn: Sabre

Friend

Acronym

Faith

Acronym II

Love

Druid

Kiss

Second Beginning

Lifeless

Doubt

Path

Pride

Break

Gone

Wrong

Dear Daughter

Way Out

Silence

Dream

Tired

Favor

Loss

What it takes to make it better