Keth'ym Evanara - Unwanted Favor

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Keth'ym Evanara - Unwanted Favor

Post by Eira » Wed Jan 06, 2021 5:14 pm

Slender fingers danced along silver harpstrings, sending the trilling melody soaring up to its climax before whirling down to be at rest in the echoing chamber. The soft thrum eventually faded away into silence that lasted for mere heartbeats before it was broken up by the muted clap of two gloved hands coming together.

“That will do for this night,” the sun elf woman said approvingly, her fingers clasping together after the single strike of applause. “There will be some more preparations to do. See to it that you at least arrive on time, and,” Her murky green eyes narrowed briefly, accompanied by the downturn of her lips. “-for sake of us all, do something about that ridiculous glitter in your hair. There have been comments.”

“I cannot help it, Mother,” the young elf sitting across from her offered in apologetic murmur. “When I go to see Calypso-”

A single flaxen brow arched, striking him into silence. After allowing the quiet to stretch uncomfortably long, she finally shook her head in a controlled subtle motion. “You have more important matters to tend to than frittering your time away catering to the whims of the Fairest Folk.”

Similarities between the two were uncommon. Though sharing in height and frail build, and despite the fact that sharpness of cheekbones and delicate point of the chin were identical- few would name the younger as his mother’s son at first glance. She bore every sign of typical gold elven nobility, in her smooth bronze of her skin, to the flaxen hair just bordering on auburn. The only abnormality was the grey marring what could have been true emerald of her eyes. But few ever had the chance to draw near enough to see it in that unforgiving gaze.

“I have been keeping up with my studies,” he protested, chin lifting with plaintive pride despite his next words. “Cantrips still fail me, but tis not because of my time spent free.”

Thin lips flatten even further as she contemplated her son. He cut a striking figure with his paler complexion- embarrassingly enough to be mistaken for a moon elf -and free-flowing black hair. The grey holds even more sway in his eyes than her own, the emerald disappointingly all but vanished. And of course, the subtle glimmer of sapphire dust in his hair that shone forth whenever he moved…

Her lips part, a soft huff of irritation released that has immediate effect. His eyes lower, expression stiffening.

“I will do better, Mother,” he assented. “Time spent with Calypso will be less.”

That draws a smile forth from her and softened gaze. “You’re too important to be capering around like a grey elf, Keth’ym. The Father knows, we’re destined for something more than that, at the very least. I will instruct Shandalar on a different method for your studies.”

Grey eyes brighten at the smile, and he bows his head to her. “You could not have found me a better tutor, lest you taught me yourself.”

“So long as you actually make it to your studies,” she counters with a warning note. “Curbing your time with the pixie alone shan’t fix all. You should be spending your days with others of the proper bloodlines, not taking our stablehands out on rides-“

“Twas a lesson as well!”

“-distracting guards from their duties-“

He frowned then and fell silent, chastised.

“-indulging in uncouth literature…” She sighs yet again. “I do not understand this fixation with the lives of commoners.”

“I will do better, Mother,” he said again, quieter.

A tap on the door called for the attention of both, heads turned in an identical movement as it opened to reveal a leather-clad wood elf.

“Lady Koraias,” he spoke with a bow of his head. “Throwyn begs your attention in the library.”

“Thank you.” She rose from the couch. Her eyes trailed back to rest on Keth’ym. “Go to your tasks,” she said simply, before sweeping out of the room.

The young elf remained seated, his hands moving to dully pluck at the harp for some beats before he lowered them and stood himself. His shirt was wrinkled, so he took his time to smooth it and adjust his sleeves, so the cuffs were turned properly. The sigil at his collar, he ensured was securely fixed in place before heading for the door.

However, contrary to his mother’s words, he did not remain in the holdings of their House. His quick steps took him out a door, down steps, and across lush fields. The outskirts of the city were not far, and when on horseback, he hardly noticed the passage of time before he was in the comforting silence of the forest. And further still he rode, crossing a familiar stream and following it until he could come to a halt in the glade surrounding a pond.

“Calypso!” Keth’ym called, hands lowering to rest on his horse’s neck. He leaned forward, dismounting and leaving the steed to stand freely. “Are you here?”

It seemed not.

With a sigh, he paced forward to the edge of the water, peering over it. And unsurprisingly, his own face reflected back up at him.

“Is this what I have to look forward to for the next century?” he asked his reflection. “An eternal dance of etiquette that is my only use?”

A breath of wind stirred the water enough that his own face disappeared from it. With a frown, Keth’ym looked up and around. His eyes fixed on a point across the glade- something there that drew his attention. And then him. He crossed around the pond, some urge drawing his steps.

He had only rarely ventured out past the glade, and the unfamiliar trees loomed with no hint of where he was going. But the young elf’s steps did not pause; he moved even swifter, the weight of some urgency furrowing his brow. Lips parted with the beginnings of frantic breaths. Wind blew against him- not strong enough to slow his travel but whirling around and past.

“Calypso?” he called out, some hope that this was just another prank of the fey.

No, came an answer, carried on the wind.

With a grit of his teeth, the elf tried to halt… but something in his chest wrenched with a feeling of abject wrongness that he could do nothing but stumble forward yet again.

No, breathed the wind once more.

A sound cried out in the distance. As if banished by the voice, the wind dissipated. But the tug remained, and so the elf continued forward until his boots touched the worn dirt of a path well-traveled. He finally halted, gazing down at the moon elf laying there with her horse grazing nearby- not a moonhorse, but a common-bred thing.

Relief shined clear on her face at the sight of Keth’ym, though he winced at noticing her badly broken leg, blood seeping through her leather trousers.

Help her, sang the wind.

“Cousin,” the elf gasped out. “Thank the Father you heard me! I need to return to Leuthilspar.”

“O-of course,” he stammered out, gingerly moving forward. “What can I-“

Help her.

“I am helping,” Keth’ym snapped to himself, shake of his head as he reached out to clasp her hand. His exclamation went unnoticed by the other elf, her face gone wan with the pain.

But as their hands touched-

Wind strengthened around the two, a sudden gust of warmth that caressed the wounded elf and blew loud in their ears. Keth’ym’s eyes watered and he squeezed them shut, ducking his head against the onslaught of air.

And then, it was gone.

He blinked once… and then once again, staring at the still bloodstained but suddenly whole leg. His hand, stiff and cold, withdrew from the other elf’s and he straightened fully, shock fixing his face into a mask as he stared at his palms.

Good, came the approving whisper as a breeze picked up around him once again.

“My deepest thanks, cousin,” the moon elf began, but her words trailed off as Keth’ym stumbled away and back into the forest.

Tears of joy pricked his eyes, the lightness of his heart summoning a smile of delight to his face. After all these years! All these disappointments! He wasn’t forgotten- he wasn’t unwanted. So many prayers had finally been heard.

“Father,” he murmured, “Father- is this truly what you wish of me? I- I will carry on your blessings! Father, truly, I thank yo-”

No, the wind rebuked him gently.

His steps slowed, something catching in his throat.

“Father?” Keth’ym tried again.

No.

“Who-“ he swallowed hard past the tightness in his chest, those tears of joy turning cold and threatening to spill down his cheeks. “Who are you?”

Ride on the winds, traveler.

I exist to describe the world around us.

Akorae

Keth'ym Evanara - wandering better paths
Veriel Xyrdan - married and happy
Reena Welkins - Dead

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Re: Keth'ym Evanara - Unwanted Favor

Post by Eira » Wed Feb 10, 2021 10:10 pm

A pitiful pained cry worked its way up the elf’s throat and then stuck there, swallowed back to hide under the mask of his smile. He ignored the concern in the other’s eyes, keeping his voice and movements light. The room was only a temporary retreat, and he kept his ear cocked for the sound of her footsteps moving away and the sound of the door shutting behind her.

Loneliness allowed him to finally droop and reach with shaking hands for the lens tucked away into his pocket. Light blinded him for the instant after the twist, and he nearly stumbled as his feet touched grass and stone, and the buffeting wind tore at his hair and clothes.

“I hate you!” he cried out suddenly, his voice cutting through the distant moaning song of the pillars.

He staggered forward, fighting the infuriating wind all the way to the elegant altar and twin pillars waiting there with their mocking unchanged perfection.

“Why did you have to choose me?” The weight of his own words bowed his head as he sank down into the grass. “Why couldn’t you have just left me alone?”

The wind did not answer, of course.

“Why me?”

I exist to describe the world around us.

Akorae

Keth'ym Evanara - wandering better paths
Veriel Xyrdan - married and happy
Reena Welkins - Dead

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Re: Keth'ym Evanara - Unwanted Favor

Post by Eira » Tue Feb 23, 2021 9:54 pm

"He does not care for me in such a way," Keth'ym continued, his normal emotionless tone ruined by the sharp bitterness leaking through the words. He turned away, his hand seeking the handle of the door- more an escape from the truth of his own utterance than anything else. "So you need not fear."

The other spoke then, and Keth'ym halted, turning back with a furrow of his brow.

Words exchanged- snapped- hissed- spit- at each other.

A blade cleaved through the chair, sending splinters flying, and the young noble flinched back, not quite through the open doorway, as temptingly as the safety of escape lured him.

He could have left.

"Close the door," the other commanded, after his wretched words hissed from sunk deep onto the floor.

A barely suppressed scoff from Keth'ym. "What need be there for words more?" To drag it on and on, was he so powerless to this one's desires? "Will aught change?"

"Close the door."

He turned... and when he felt the hands close around his throat, even as he choked against the sudden grip, there was no surprise to be felt. Only a flash of resigned disappointment.

I exist to describe the world around us.

Akorae

Keth'ym Evanara - wandering better paths
Veriel Xyrdan - married and happy
Reena Welkins - Dead

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Re: Keth'ym Evanara - Unwanted Favor

Post by Eira » Thu Mar 04, 2021 10:27 pm

His heart thudded in his chest to the beat of horse's hooves on dirt and then stone. That eternal smile remained stiffly frozen to his lips; even the twitch of a frown threatening to mar the false cheer was almost painful to realize. A sick feeling roiled in his stomach. It could have been from nerves- how laughable, milord -or the wine. Or both.

They were too close. All too close. Growing comfortable in the presence of dear friends; that was dangerous. It would never last. He had to remember that.

What did they know of love anyway?

I exist to describe the world around us.

Akorae

Keth'ym Evanara - wandering better paths
Veriel Xyrdan - married and happy
Reena Welkins - Dead

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Re: Keth'ym Evanara - Unwanted Favor

Post by Eira » Sun Mar 07, 2021 9:32 am

Love - Month 10, Year 168

I had thought to write a poem,
but the words fail me
never before had they been so elusive
fleeting

how can one put to words
the tenderness of your eyes
or the sorrow
the glimmer of light
the darkness

even now they only weakly hint
and my quill trembles
is it hubris to think I can capture you in ink?
at all?

what can I do to prove how I See you when words
when words were the only way I ever knew
when words were all that held me up
when words were who I was
when words
when words fail me

my heart flutters

I am a sparrow in a cage and you opened the door
a leaf on the river and you drew me to shore
nothing sparked in my eye until I gazed upon your face
you cracked my mask and Saw me as I Saw you

has ever before the thought of an arrow to the knee been so loving?
the ice cold touch of a stream could have frozen me to stone
yet it melted every defense I had
every wall I put up, so gently ripped down
and when I stepped towards the wall of thorns-
I felt only softness of your embrace

the cage still awaits
the river still calls
the shards of a mask remain

but I see them not
I know them not

I may not have command of words as I once thought
but what does that matter when I speak
and you listen
and when you speak
I listen

what need have we of words when every touch
every breath
every moment of silence
each is a poem searing into the heart
and each will remain with me for all my waking moments
and each lingers in the midst of my reverie

a fool I named myself and I shall do so again
how could fear find its way into my heart?
how could doubt latch upon my spirit?
how could words do this?
the words should matter not, I see this now

and so yes
a fool I may be
but I am a fool in love

I exist to describe the world around us.

Akorae

Keth'ym Evanara - wandering better paths
Veriel Xyrdan - married and happy
Reena Welkins - Dead

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Re: Keth'ym Evanara - Unwanted Favor

Post by Eira » Tue Mar 09, 2021 7:56 pm

“I had forgiven you,” he said softly, a silent plea in his own mind for hands not to tremble as they clasped those of the other. “I had forgiven you when I saw the joy and love in your heart; when I first saw smile ‘pon your lips.”

Those words lingered in his mind like something out of a dream. Even hours later, his lips moved silently to repeat, grey gaze fixed on the resting visage of the other. To reach out… would it all vanish if he so dared? Could he believe after so long, that he deserved such joy anew?

Was he a fool for so swiftly taking sanctuary like this?

All and everything; a pledge not given lightly. And no matter how much he had tried to convince himself otherwise before; no matter how much he could lie to those around him, even those he thought most dear, he could not lie to his own heart. He could not lie to the one who had captured his heart and kept it close, even through the pain. He could not bear to lie to himself anymore, even when the lie had seemed the only path forward.

His breath stilled; silent words halted by a stab of fear through his heart that twined barbs up into his throat. Would years pass only for the same pain to strike through once more? So impossible to think clearly when he could not even bring forth words to describe both the infinite ache and boundless joy in his heart. Memories carried too many thorns to be let go, and yet he did not shy from brushing his fingers through their sweet petals despite all the jabs.

Time brought change. That was the truth of him- of them- of the People.

And he could not lie to his heart.

a fool I may be
but I am a fool in love

I exist to describe the world around us.

Akorae

Keth'ym Evanara - wandering better paths
Veriel Xyrdan - married and happy
Reena Welkins - Dead

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Re: Keth'ym Evanara - Unwanted Favor

Post by Eira » Thu Mar 11, 2021 5:25 pm

Gentle click of silver-soled boots echoed through the stone halls of the Lye. The pale specter of an elf drifted past tombs and urns; his grey eyes unfocused as he made for the deepest chamber yet. A breath of wind stirred the tips of his raven locks and swirled down to playfully tug at the cuffs of his sleeves and edges of his cloak.

He ignored it, of course.

When he finally slowed to a halt, his eyes lifted to the featureless ceiling, so pristinely free of cobwebs. It was fitting. Of all the beings forbidden from this place, it stood to reason that spiders were among the first to be scourged.

“I cannot forgive you,” the elf said quietly, barely raising his voice past the gentle breath. “Not yet, and I dare not claim I might ever.”

He fell silent, then, in no hurry to continue or even leave. His lips parted, yet another breath in and released.

“But,” he finally went on, “I will thank you. Despite all… I give such for the changes wrought and lessons learned. As you cherished and were cherished in return- I am thankful.”

That said, he turned on his heel with scrape of metal against stone. The clicking echo continued as his gliding steps carried him back out to the evening sun.

I exist to describe the world around us.

Akorae

Keth'ym Evanara - wandering better paths
Veriel Xyrdan - married and happy
Reena Welkins - Dead

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Re: Keth'ym Evanara - Unwanted Favor

Post by Eira » Fri Mar 19, 2021 5:49 pm

The elf breathed in deeply, stirring from reverie as the warm weight of another disappeared from his side. Light retreating footsteps paused; the door opened and then shut. Alone again. The fire popped the rank smell of scorched paint over and he winced. His own fault, of course. The quarter would reek for some time more due to his recklessness and that sudden need of… destruction.

He opened his eyes to gaze over at the hearth. Those paintings had mocked him from the wall for months, and yet it seemed even their death wouldn’t come easy. Thin lips curved down in a bitter frown, and the elf stood and paced over to stare at the canvas resisting flame.

The frame, of course, quickly turned to char, and the edges of the portrait had begun to blacken and curl. But not soon enough. That cruel mockery of a smile taunted him from a face both his own and not. Had he ever scorned the world with such hate in his eyes? Had he ever arched his brow with that infinite disgust? Had he ever enjoyed seeing the common folk grovel before him?

Surely not, else he would not be deserving of the love and care granted to him by all those he in turn loved and cared for.

But no art of his could ever be painted in falsehood. A mirror so warped with grief and darkness was still yet a mirror. A mask, even a gilded mask of cruel perfection, was still worn by someone. Love of the present did not erase the truth of his past.

He could, though. With a twist of his expression and twist of his fingers, he gestured claw-like at the fire.

Shink.

Schwiff.


Thin jagged blades burst from the base of the fire to impale the painting remains. Canvas tore and they withdrew to stab forth again. And again. And yet again. Fire licked more eagerly at the broken portrait, finally taking hold of the pristine features. It would not take long for it to crumble away into ash and memories.

He would be free.

I exist to describe the world around us.

Akorae

Keth'ym Evanara - wandering better paths
Veriel Xyrdan - married and happy
Reena Welkins - Dead

Discord: eighra


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Re: Keth'ym Evanara - Unwanted Favor

Post by Eira » Sun Mar 28, 2021 4:41 pm

Flower in hand, he drifted through the crowd, his smile light and offered to all who passed their gaze over him, yet never settling on one in particular. Chattering voice flitted to and fro, whirling bodies just narrowly missing each other. He occasionally lifted his own voice in greeting- and then stilled it just as swift, moving on from the paired gazes that saw naught else but each other. Occasionally, of course, the silver storm of his own eyes sought out their emerald match, but he made no steps to approach. Smile remained light. He could not allow it to falter on this of all nights.

Another stood apart, her formal bearing a refuge from the envied painful familiarity of the others. Steps pause nearby, his voice lifting in an amused whisper, the comfort of the mask settling over his face as they engaged in dance of introduction. Every step away from the merriment took him further into the sanctuary of the mask. Coated honey words dripped from smiling lips, the ebb and flow in this waltz of nobility hardly requiring any thought.

Laughter. A chase. His eyes strayed over to the white-gold joy, an ache striking somewhere within his chest. Honey continued to flow. He snapped his lips shut, cutting off the too-sweet river, and extended arms, pulling for the one who could soothe bite of the mask. Laughter and smiles, touch shared for heartbeat before release. And he relaxed, feeling the warmth at his side and allowing a true smile, improper smile, to break across his lips.

Footsteps splashing across stream, they paused before-

Dance called again, and the mask smoothly turned to face the others, honeyed words once more delivered without thought. Ebb and flow. Bow in turn. Greetings. Welcome. Introduction. The dance twirled them on and on- and warmth at his side disappeared. Though eyes strayed to follow the other, his strings remained uncut, and smile fixed in place. Mask fixed in place. The ache returned.

Breath of wind nudged at his shoulders and caressed his hands, an echo of the touch. Eyes strayed over again, and he let the mask fall, uncaring for the sweetness of his words as he broke away from the dance.

Steps fell with purpose as he righted himself by the other’s side. A touch. A murmur. He felt the shards of mask send bitter reproach at the words; steeling himself against such pain was enough. They turned backs to the crowd, letting the music fade behind.

And there, across the bridge, away from the bustle and mesh of friends he hardly knew… he finally breathed.

I exist to describe the world around us.

Akorae

Keth'ym Evanara - wandering better paths
Veriel Xyrdan - married and happy
Reena Welkins - Dead

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Re: Keth'ym Evanara - Unwanted Favor

Post by Eira » Wed Apr 07, 2021 6:42 pm

Control, his mother’s voice whispered from memories. Control is what sets us apart from common sorcerous rabble. Control of self. Control of emotion. Control of magic.

He stared down the icy path as the figures hurried away. The weight of that emerald gaze rested on him, lacking the usual comforting warmth he found in those eyes. Quiet words, but firm. “Your call. Your desire to be here, wanderer.”

Control. You have control.

His teeth gritted and eyes roved around to seek the decision in the others’ faces. Voices rose and fell, subtle rebuke in manner as time dragged on. He drew breath to speak- and then hesitated once more, shaking his head.

“Then we go.”

Almost before the last word left his mouth, regret struck through his heart. It was the wrong choice. The coward’s choice. The one time he had a chance at freedom- to be part of something more; of course he ruined it.

You ruin everything you touch, newer memories whispered in that wounded beast’s voice. Love, hate, you should die.

Lips parted to mouth the old refrain. Control. He must be in control.

They stepped out into the cold sunlight and he spoke meaningless words, some attempt at salvaging the situation. Frayed nerves twitched through his bearing and he stalked through the snow. It was fine. They would be fine. Control.

True destruction comes not from harsh words or passionate heart. She stood like a specter before him, chin lifted, and eyes focused past the tip of her nose to gaze so keenly down at him as if he were a servant and not her son. Those who harness chaos and emotion are only powerful so far as the whims of such forces. Fickle, yes. And powerful, in some cases. But relying on such will always fail when ‘tis needed most. Emotions only hinder you. They make you predictable. Foolish.

Whispers deafened him to the footsteps close behind – too close – as he flung his anger, his stress, his fear, his worry, his hate- all into the crackling orb of energies dancing towards the foul beasts that dared approach.

The world split in a shriek of magical pain, and he heard only the startled cry of the one voice-

Foolish. Reckless. Immature. Unworthy. Untrusted. Damaged.

You lack control, my son. I will not allow that to bring us ruin.


He fled without running.

Steps crunched in snow as he wound down the path, casting rending energies towards whatever stood in his path. Bodies and blood coated his wake. He stumbled on, finally slowing towards the precipice-

If I am not enough as I am; then that is who I do not wish to be. His own words said over a similar drop all those years ago… and what, truly, had changed since then?

His agonized stare into the darkness broke only with the steps behind him, hushed words that… hurt all the more for how gently they were delivered.

“So yell at me,” he muttered in return, a plea hidden behind the bite of his tone.

She would not yell. She was controlled.

I exist to describe the world around us.

Akorae

Keth'ym Evanara - wandering better paths
Veriel Xyrdan - married and happy
Reena Welkins - Dead

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Re: Keth'ym Evanara - Unwanted Favor

Post by Eira » Wed Apr 14, 2021 6:26 pm

A rift closed with its usual teeth-rattling and gut-twisting rumble, leaving Keth’ym standing alone between the circle of couches. He avoided looking over to his mirror for the span of three heartbeats, before caving into vanity’s demand and staring at his flushed cheeks and raw eyes. Even after weeping, his face naturally fell into that fixed smile. To truly set a frown to his lips took more effort than it should; to any other, such a thing would be a blessing, a sign of a life full of cheer.

He choked a breath in past the sob waiting in his throat, suppressing the weak sound until it died out, unreleased. It could not be like the last time. He had not the luxury of such mourning, especially considering how he carried even less of an excuse.

You ruin everything you touch, the beast’s voice whispered, as it often did. Love, hate, you should die.

A light glinted in the elf’s eye then. He broke away from the mirror and turned to a side table, fumbling with the drawer to find parchment and quill within. The capped inkwell clattered hard on the table and skidded dangerously close to the edge and the precious gold damask couch before he closed his hand over it. Droplets of ink spattered both table and parchment as he dipped the nib of his quill into the ink and scrawled the beginnings of the words that would change everything.

“I do ruin everything,” he murmured to himself, the words carried on quick high-pitched breaths. “I will ruin this before it ruins me.”

He stood over that little table; his shoulders hunched forward in as inelegant a poise as had ever touched his form. The writing spiderwebbed across the page, looping and twirling with each frenzied huff of his breath, with every flutter of his heart, and twitch of his hands. He couldn’t even pause for rest; the words would not allow it as he scribbled in a manic waking reverie.

When finally he set the quill down, his heart thrummed with nervous energy within his chest. It would change everything, whether it succeeded or not. He would change everything. All he had to do was…

If his nerve did not fail him at the last moment, it would only be a matter of waiting for time to pass. Perhaps the regrets would hold off until it was too late.

I exist to describe the world around us.

Akorae

Keth'ym Evanara - wandering better paths
Veriel Xyrdan - married and happy
Reena Welkins - Dead

Discord: eighra


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Re: Keth'ym Evanara - Unwanted Favor

Post by Eira » Tue May 18, 2021 2:41 pm

The satchel lay in a secluded corner of his home, hidden from view by a table as if it were a forgotten or worthless thing. But never did a day go by without his thoughts turning to it; without his eyes straying in the direction as he passed. And on this one of all days, he reached behind that table to lift up the satchel and reach inside.

A shallower person might scoff at the notion of the items within being called “treasures”. And perhaps so might one who knew very well the elf who handled them now. They did not seem like much at a glance. A smooth rock with a crack running through. An empty wine bottle with the label torn. Two snapped halves of a harp string. A dried rose, brown with age, though the thorns remained sharp. Bits of colored glass in a cotton pouch. And a curved dagger, elven in make and perhaps once fine though now dull and coated in rust.

He left the satchel on the table, drawing forth only the dagger. Something cold pricked at his spine at the feel of the blade in his hands. The memory of a threat, he thought. Or the memory of temptation. Both lingered with the weapon, voices and emotions whispering around him whenever he dared to lift it.

The elf shook his head and backed away from the insidious fear. A time past, and such a thing had no place here and now. The dagger remained in hand, however, and he strode out of the room and passed the fire, pausing just long enough to ensure no other had entered during his contemplation.

He was unsurprised to see no one.

Wind tugged sharply at his heart and at his feet; he veered towards the door for three steps before he forced himself back to his intended path. Just one act and he could wander free again and leave his worries behind for another day. Just one more step to being free of…

Of what? His lips parted in a breathy laugh that dragged sharp talons across his throat at how coldly false it felt. It had felt like freedom at the time; and for years, he had believed it to be a freedom. And even now, it felt like freedom even while he tangled himself further and further in the coils of that beautiful snare. And what to call a snare that did not even mean to ensnare? That did not even want to?

He could not name it anything lest he be lost all over again in the sweetest cage of his own making. Delusion and heartsickness. By the light of the Seldarine! Was there no end to his self-pity and misery? How could he have fallen so far; to turn into a mere boy who had lost his favorite toy! Not even a toy; it was a favorite blanket he had outgrown from carrying around wherever he walked. A child wept and begged when the blanket was taken from him, and he wandered around and bemoaned feeling so alone and unloved and unwanted.

It would be so simple to erase it like it had never happened.

Burn the paintings. Melt the trinkets. Shred the clothing. Cast off the feelings and the memories. Leave the city. Leave the people and the land behind. Beg forgiveness and take up the proper mantle once more. Fall into place. And then… then finally he would be the center of his world. He would not be so unwanted, nor would he feel alone. And love could be as it were meant to be, something fleeting and fickle, something snatched in dark corners and amidst festivity. Something that sparked up and then vanished as quickly as his whims.

And for the rest? It would be as a window between them; a pane of glass that he could look out at them and they could look in at him. And he would pity them for their wretchedness and their cowering state, and then smile, for he was above them. And they would pity him for his wretchedness and his delusion, and they would also hate him for his careless cruelty.

He could have a smiling existence of cheer and joy, and it would not ever come close enough to truly touch him. And with no true joy, there could be no true pain; he would be free even of the faintest ripples of pain, for such a thing did not matter to the mask and the mask would protect him for as long as he remained the pristine portrait of who he was meant to be.

The pristine portrait that… was nothing like the one that hung before him now.

His grey gaze lingered on the joined hands, that caressing touch of years gone by. He had painted it as… a reminder in part. As thanks. And yet, at the same time, it was only another loop of the snare, barbed and wrapped around his heart. Look at us, it cried out. I am nothing without you, and I was nothing until I met you. And he had believed that since then. He still believed it, when the days were darkest, and it took the reminder of a brother’s stinging words to snap him out of that wallowing pit.

A reminder, yes, but it had to be another type of reminder now. Struggling against artist’s shriek of his thoughts, the elf raised the rusty dagger and stabbed it through the joined hands. With that first rip of canvas, his heart felt as pierced as the painting, and he nearly dropped his hand from the hilt of the blade.

Grimly, he held on, and dragged the dagger down until it could tear no further against the gilded wooden frame. He yanked it out and lifted the blade to the top, stabbing it once more and ripping the canvas in two.

The elves of the portrait remained locked in gaze, however, his own painted features full of wistful longing. His breath gasped in and trembled out, and he lifted the dagger once more. Again. And again. Rip and tear, shredding the canvas until the painting was merely unrecognizable tatters.

His dagger clanged onto the floor as he finally stilled, staring at what had once brought him the greatest joy and yet the greatest pain.

It could not be burned. The reminder was needed, and he was sure the one he had painted it for would agree. There was more to him than the love of others… and to be deserving of it, he could never return to that mask.

But that reminder still hurt.

I exist to describe the world around us.

Akorae

Keth'ym Evanara - wandering better paths
Veriel Xyrdan - married and happy
Reena Welkins - Dead

Discord: eighra


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