reality and the ideal

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woodbreeze
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reality and the ideal

Post by woodbreeze » Fri May 28, 2021 8:24 am

“Quite the day, wasn’t it?”

A familiar voice breaks through oblivion's shroud, as rays of sunlight might the moon's shadow.

With concentration, senses come to you one by one, and though indistinct, bring with them a vague sense of familiarity, as well as a melancholy feeling only ever ascribed of a memory.
The graze of moist grass licking your ankles; the smell of Amafin and her coming storm; the wet taste of iron from a tongue bitten in frustration. Vague, yet familiar.

What first weld a more distinctive, recognizable shape through the blurriness was the gentleness of her features.
Soft, round for an elf, and much like your own.
Then there was the recognizable, mute fire of her hair; the dark umber of her eyes; the smoothness of her bronze complexion.
Further, a certain charm that could only be attributed to skewered, yet fond remembrance - not anything that ever belonged to the waking world.

Familiar. Very much like you, and yet, still undeniably her.

She had turned to look back at you, expectant, but in a loving sort of way. Her eyes held a brightness you had forgotten existed until that moment. There was a notable weariness to her movement, though it was nothing to challenge that permeating spirit you had come to both emulate and adore. After a day's long practice with blade's art, you both shared the walk home to the valley Ty'athalael. Together.

You must've been staring for too long. Her expression shifts. The gentleness remains, but the brightness is gone, replaced by dreaded concern.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"It's not anything."


The words come before you've chance to think. Careless, dismissive, miserable. Cruel, with the foresight you have of where this memory leads.

As much as you might desire to say something else, you come to the realization that you won't have that opportunity.

This is a memory, not a dream. Here, you are helpless to behold the truth.

".. why am I doing so terribly? I've fallen behind everyone else."

The truth continues, heedless of any desire to stop. You begin to remember old emotions that had once stewed inside of you.

What comes is a weight of the heart that had never truly gone away. A flood of guilt and uncertainty follows; with an overwhelming rush to analyze each and every single possibility your mind had come up with, in that moment. You consider everything you had, or might have done wrong up to that point. The scrutiny of your peers. Your own sibling. Sorrow. Envy. Pity.

Your fingers curl around the pommel of your training sword, tempting action.

"You're still growing, sister. Your eyes will adjust. These things come with time."

The sweetness of her voice grounds you. Your grip relaxes. You hear her, and yet at the same time, you think her naïve.

"Look, you're as tall as I am now!"

She holds a hand flat next to your head, measuring herself in comparison. Her lips twist into a playful smile, and the brightness has returned to her eyes. You don't think she intended height as the literal source of your woe- but her brief slip into childishness, if momentary, was distracting.

You feel a longing to cling onto this moment, this close proximity between you and her. It is pure. Innocent.
But as the truth plays on, this feeling is spoiled by the emotions of your younger self.
Adoration is replaced by frustration, riled and hot, heated by an innocence you once considered warm.

"I work just as hard as you. And yet, you're still so far ahead. You're unreachable, Kyari."

Her smile persists, despite your attitude. She dismisses your frustration with a playful jaunt, typical of siblings.

"Do you know why? It's my right as your elder sister."

Noting the disappointment of your expression, her smile falters. Turning away, she looked somewhere else.
Somewhere far along an unseen horizon. Somewhere far beyond Evermeet. Somewhere you couldn't ever hope to see yourself.

"Don't worry. We'll reach the heights of this world together. That's our dream, right?"

You stood there, frozen from the pang following her words. Your heart scrambles, desiring to lash out in frustration, yet held back by something far more overcoming. Something unable to be translated into words - yet wore heavy upon your heart. Despair. Alike as the two of you may be, you realize it's likely you will never share the experience she yearned for.

And she knows that.

"You don't understand. You'll never understand the way I feel."
Motivated by heart, your feet pick up as you run down the hill, towards the heart of Ty'tathalael's glades. You know them far better than she does, and it'll be easy to lose her.

Details blot as a wet canvas with running paint would, following a loss of focus as your senses went numb.
You straddle a thin line separating consciousness and memory; reality and the ideal. A place between dreams.
No longer do you remember the mute fire of her hair; the dark umber of her eyes; or the smoothness of her bronze complexion.
Instead, creeping in the corners of your eyes grew a black shroud, threatening to veil a memory that was rapidly closing.

"Seirye, wait!"

You don't look back. It's the last time you remember hearing her voice.

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