Favorite NPC Text - A Thank You

[Archnon]

So I have been meaning to make this thread since I ran into some great NPC text the other day and it just made me laugh out loud and it also made me realize the insane amount of work Irongron and the Dev team puts into the simple flavored texts that too often get ignored or skipped.

So, here is the idea: Share your favorite piece of NPC text and where (if it is not FOIG) you can find it in the game to simply say thanks to these guys and gals who put so much into this but also to point out to people that they should read because there are some real gems in there. Nothing FOIG or secret. Only NPC's most players can get access to.

I'll go first: In New Guldorand Irongron and the team finally told us what they really think of us through Bethany Magyr:

That is only because I have the misfortune of studying their history: for over a century the people of this isle have been habitually murdering one-another over the smallest slight, and conducting enough miniscule 'wars' to make a tyrant blush. That is of course when they're not busy erecting statues to whichever of them last had the mental acumen to string six words together without injuring themselves.

Honestly, I'm still dying on the inside from this one. Thank you! Now its your turn!

[Edens_Fall]

Not sure any can beat that NPC line.

[matheusgraef]

OP's line reads like a strangely inappropriate stab at the community? Anyway.

My favorite NPC line(s) comes from the bounty hunter outside Cordor with the captured kobold. He goes on to say while the kobold was found wandering in the bramble, it's an Underdarker kobold - and so he can't just kill it. The creature will likely be released with a warning, because of the tensions that exist between factions and how the island's political powers - enemies or not - are nevertheless ingrained in each other through trade and other dealings. Simply offing the kobold could have larger implications in the future, etc.

It's an essential NPC to understand the world of Arelith and its moral grays.

[Archnon]

OP's line reads like a strangely inappropriate stab at the community? Anyway.

Definitely not a stab. I'm just someone with a deep appreciation for self-deprecating humor thanks to my time in various parts of the United States (Go Browns!) though I can respect why this type of humor can be lost

Also, that is a great one and I honestly had never stopped to talk to them so now I am going to. I am also a huge fan of some of the in-game objects. For example, the spice cabinet in Rheks tavern reads:

This is a dwarven spice cabinet. Upon further inspection inside, it appears to be filled with nothing but salt.

**EDIT**
To be fully fair, the original quote was taken from a very long text that is worth reading that functions in a similar capacity to your example. It is an interesting IC explanation of the importance of DM's and admin team for maintaining the broader server culture and direction. Though, the joke was not lost on me and I still find it hilarious.

[Skibbles]

I'm wracking my brain trying to think about a sentient jelly that knows everything about the Underdark but I can't quite remember how it goes.

Did I just ruin the joke? I may have.

[Lexx]

My favorite to this day is still the old man in Cordor outskirts.

"You can't beat my meat!"

[Kuma]

OP's line reads like a strangely inappropriate stab at the community? Anyway.

irongron has a thing for dropping npcs that really, really, really hate player characters. i wouldn't read too much into it. if anything that npc has far more fascinating dialogue; she's a die-hard republican and does a fun explanation of why cordor is designed the way it is: so that an army can be mobilised against its own people, compared with nuguld's cobbled, winding streets that is much more difficult terrain. her whole dialogue tree is dope.

the soulhaven abbot that wants donations for the church roof before he'll answer questions is up there for me.

there's also npcs that allow for interesting reactions...

[Drowble Oh Seven]

I still hunger for the killing knowledge.

[Airport Proximity Jesus]

It doesn't count, but whenever a female npc boss says "Your death shall be beautiful!" And then immediately explodes in a shower of gore always makes me feel good

[KnifeParty]

"See attached Form c74xii.. But there is no Form c74xii!" - Planeswalker lost in the bureaucracy.